Morning of Day Two

As it turned out, I ended up rinsing the sprouts 4 times yesterday. It was the first time I turned the heater on this season and so I figured I was removing what little extra humidity that was in the air from the multi-day storm. The first 3 times I rinsed, the Mung beans seemed to be just rolling around as if they had no intention of sprouting but by afternoon it was clear something had changed.

They were slowly changing from the dry, round, quite intact smooth bean to a softer-skinned bean that seemed to slowly turn white. Actually, the white was the first exposure to the inside of the bean unfolding and responding to the moisture. As yesterday was overcast and I spent the majority of my time in another part of the house, they stayed in relative dim light.

I had read somewhere online that Mung beans need to be in the dark. Well, I really can't do that and I like the beans to be just where everyone can see them and the progress they make. As I was getting up my wife began saying, "They are growing!", which got me up to look at them. So here they are after 1 full day of rinsing (4 times):

As you can see, they are all no longer solid green and have lost that sheen they had when I first got them. Many of them have already begun to sprout, or as one web site online says, 'they are growing legs'.

As promised, I will share each day of progress until the day I eat them and even then I will share  what I eat with them.

I had mentioned that I was filled with some trepidation and, of course, that's all dissipated now. My father once told me that confidence is what you get when you do something successfully. But here is my question:

Why Can't We Be Confident The First Time?

By "confident", I don't mean 'super positive' or 'ever-hopeful'. I mean the kind of believe in oneself that carries throughout the day. Have you ever felt this nagging self-doubt? It's normal when attempting something you already know you are not good at. For some people that is Math or Spelling or Public Speaking. That's normal.

What I am talking about is the counterpart of the steady stream of doubt that goes along with me though out my day just as my hair does. Although not always overwhelming or even worthy of consideration, self-doubt seems to be just another element in the stew. Where it comes from exactly, it's hard to say. But it has been there for as long as I remember with the exception of my grade school years until the 6th grade when my family split.

Perhaps that's when it all started. My father was no longer in our daily life and we could not go to him for comfort or explanation. For me, understanding what was going on, in every aspect of life, was very important. And when I would wonder how a car engine worked or what triggered leaves to fall in the Autumn, he was always my 'go-to' person.

Mom was at work when we got home from school after the divorce so we went from a full house to an empty one. That may have have begun it all. I used to explain to my friends that the divorce was like the Sun had flipped and now the Moon was our star. So it really through me for a loop. That was also the year I was stalked by two boys everyday after school. When they caught me, they pummeled me. When I escaped, they would threaten to get me the next day. And so it went.

My father's divorce lawyer told him that he should not worry about the children as they are very "resilient". That set my father off but he kept his cool. I suppose, unless a person has gone through the disintegration of a family, understanding what really happens to their children shall always remain a mystery.

OUTWARD APPEARANCES

Out of sheer necessity, we must make value judgements based on outward appearances. It's how we negotiate among so many strangers, influences and potential dangers in our daily life. We are driving through town to get to the other side, we plan on making a turn but see construction cones so we choose a different route. The new route become solidified in our mind and then we see school buses and parents dropping their children off at school. So we alter our route once again. Even though the first route with the  construction cones may not have been a delay or problem in any way, or the second route choice would have cleared in a matter of minutes and would have turned out to be the best route.

That is what it is like being human and constrained by space, time and perspective.

That is, perhaps more than any other reason, why I decided to create this blog. Even if no one ever reads it, it is a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings, "verbalize" my experiences and help myself (and someone else perhaps), to negotiate life's challenges, flushing out what's going on and what is to be learned.

So, although I did not named this whole thing, "Outward Appearances", I still wanted to make this a friendly, unassuming and non-threatening experience. Hope you enjoy it.

Question

Do you think people with strong friendships need a blog?

For me, this is how I feel being married. Even when we are apart, I feel as if we are always together. Arm in arm, heart and heart, heading down the journey of this life.

We share so much. And yet, there is so much more to share that we surely would numb each other's consciousness if we expressed it all ... ha!

***

So, today, we rinse the Mung beans again... 4 times. And tomorrow we shall see what they do in their humid little jar!